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The Press. (Cortland, N.Y.) 1972-1990, December 05, 1986, Image 8

Image and text provided by SUNY Cortland

Persistent link: http://dev.nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/np00190002/1986-12-05/ed-1/seq-8/


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. ! ' ·we.,.;; \ - '\ ' . .. . ;~ . ' ,. ' When people ask us what we want for quistmas, 'they· don't usually want to hear what .we . really· want. They want to hear us tell them what they· can ,afford to set '\Q.s. So insteap of saying you want the $1.,400 Boston Acoustics sound system, you put: in your order for: a Sony Walkman. Since I know I have absolutely no control ov.er what I may get for Christmas this year, and~ really don't wap.t anything affordable, I'd like to put in my· Christmas, list of things I really want, and of course' the things I really don't want or deserve. To start,. I. would love to have it, but I just don't deserve the Reisman Trophy. Technically rm not even eligible. For one thing, l didn't gain enough yardage, on the ground or through the air, and I didn't lead my team in sacks or solo tackles. I didn't even intercept a pass. And the ob- vious, I don't play college football. . I suppose an Oscar or an Emmy is our of the question as well. It would look nice on my fireplace, though. However I don't nave a fireplace, so the fact that I haven't starred in any 'maJor- mfii'l:iciih 'Pit'blli'~~ ..,.y;J ....... ., ... .:;'l'll···:n:,~ UK promoting any fresh albums late- ly is irrelevant. There are some more· realistic \don't wants. H I d(}n't · want any dress ·socks or ties. As for underwe.ar, I like to choose my own. I 'hate to think some Aunt or Unt:le is walking around tak-ing credit for · my underwear. · Clothes in general, I prefer to buy myself. If you'd like to get me clothes, I'd r~ther have a gift cer- tificate for a clothing store, unless you're my sister Cathi. She bas decent taste and kno.ws mine pretty well. Last year the kazoo was alright but I didn't have much use for it. It sits alone atop all the waste board games I've ever gotten. A few years ago I made a point I didn't want any soap on a rope. I still don't. To my mother, I don't like or want, nor have I ever liked or wanted, any A) cauliflower, B) asparagus, C) spinach, D) potato salad, or E) macaroni salad. The woman has known me for over 22 years now and she swears I love all of the above, despite. the fact I tell her otherwise constantly. a . .. . . . . -;~er~ :· .1' , ... ~. . · · ·w~itdri d~ni't the Giants to give up anytJting for QB Testeverde. HQwever~ if ~e's stil_l av<Ulable when the Gtants pick, l say we pic~ him up. Otherwise,, I have confidence in Phil. I don~t want the 24:-second clock ·in the NBA anymore. Without it the game might be a little more exciting. No more run and gun. As boring as it sounds, I think it would be· a nice. change to see . the Lakers top the Celtks 12~8. Oh, and I don't want the Mets to ever trade :rhe Mook. He's a fiXture. What do I want for Christmas? When I ask my grandmother how many cookies she'd like, I want her to say \twQ or three\ instead of \a cou- ple, two, three.\ Slle doesn't unders~ tand that a couple is the same as two. I want my mother -to stop worrying about me and to let me get my weather forecasts from a .profes~ sional. In June she will tell Die i{ the roads will be slip~ry on Christmas Eve·. I sometimes want network news an~ ctiors to stop saying NUCULAR. \Guys the ·-word is NUCLEAR! NEW-CLEE-UR!\ .Ftd'~- I'd like a little charity my final exams. . I want ... a new . wind~hield wiper motor fot my car, but 1f that's too imperson.al I'll take a Chevy Bel Aire any;· year·· from L 95S to 1965' preferably a white ~onvertible with ~ red interior and a 307. As for sports I'd like a Super Bowl champion in New York, and not the team that wears green. No ~hampion sbould ever we8f' green, which brings me to my next gift, for all Celtics fans living in New York to be deported. Gag me. I say the insfant replay idea is in- coilclusiye in. itself and should be done away with altogether or at least polishecl up a bit. Also, do away with artificial turf in football. Too many injuries and not enough mud. In baseball I want the foul pole to _ be re-named the fair pole. If a batted ball hits the pole. it's fair. Where's the logic? Of course, I want good win and happi~ess throughout the world. And as Ray and Dave Davies once sang \I wish I could· fly like Superman.': Maybe then I'd Win the Heisman. · ... GQ bome:for.Jbe holidays on a Greyhound Money · -Save{ and .Y,ou'H go home with a very special gift ._ .!1 ~- ~-' .. . ··~ ' :. .. \' • • --~ • ..t • ..J' .. • ·,_ • '. !!• {. ••••• · ~a coupon g9()d for one free:com- panion ticket when you buy one regUlar-priced ticket between J.QJ).\fl:ltY 12 and March 31, 1987. mns;Ube completed by \ HQUiiiay:M,oney Savers give you 8Ut>er .. ]tow~es~~~;JblO\lS~ls. of~estination8, many with no ~~:C~~:b~iji@. And there are still plenty of Wi1[b;l-~eyboUEtd Holiday Money. Saver. , - . ~ ..... ' .. ~ ..

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