THE JOURNAL HAS FACILITIES FOR F I N E JO B P R IN T I N G Call or^Write for Prices. THE JOURNAL ....IS THE....- F A V O R IT E P A P E R with readers and advertisers. DEVOTED TO THE TEUE INTEEESTS OF THE PEOPLE OP SENECA COUNTY. VOLUME 15. SENECA FALLS, N. V., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 1899. NUMBER 27 SepeeaQD.Jourpal PUBLISnED EVERT -VVEDHESDAY BY THE JOURNAL PUBLISHING GO. (LIMITED) PARTRIDGE BLOCK., SENECA FALLS, N. Y. TM BM S ; County Subscribers, $1.50 when paid in advance; SubBcriheiB outside the county, $2.00 per year, postage prepaid; Bubacription for six months, $1.00 in advance. RA T E S O F A D v E R T ISIW C ; Mil JBYJSaiV£SS C A K I > S . OSSIAN n . CONGDON, ERNEST G. GOULD, WILLIAM H. HARPST, Seneca Falls, N. Y. ICA F alls , N. Y. d \ - s o S S ^ ^ T r f e e r 5 r d ^ f s \ ? ^ m W ? r“o^ ceive prompt attention. SHELDRAKE HOUSE. A, GOODMAN, Prop. Sheldrake, Seneca Co., N. Y KELLOGG’S LIVERY. C. B. HOWE, M . D. N E W Y O R K A n t r a l V —/ & HUDSON RIVER R. I & HUDSON RIVER R. a THE FOUR-TRAGK TRUNK LiNE “ “r a L S 7 a ’F\a? riartin O’Neill R E A L ESTATE FIRE, LIFE & ACCIDENT INSUR ANCE AGENCY. C O N V E Y A N O I N G i houses for Sale and to Rent RENTS COLLECTED. SAME OLD STAND, 80 FALL ST. L S, HOSKINS liDSB BlanRets Wove Blankets at special prices for September Sales, Several months ago we made a large contract for fine wove blankets made by the Muncy Woolen Mill Co. We just opend'them for sale,some of them are all wool warp and filling, some part cotton warp all extra large size, and beautifully finished. They are in White, Grey and Scarlet. For good wool blankets, no manu facturers have a better reputation than the Muncy Woolen Mill Co, As we are sole selling agents for the company in Seneca Falls, we will sell them at very slight ad vance from mill prices. L. S. HosRlns ALFRED GOODMAN, A g t. ■Tj1,ne Merchant Tailoring. Boome over Heath Store, next to Exchange National Bank. A1 Woolen Suits Made to Order from $10 up. Pants 2.50 and up. T . B . B M I R D ^ Vacation days are fast drawing to a close. Shorter days remind us that winter will-soon be here. We have anticipated your wants and are now receiving the many choice things the markets afford. New Fall Dress Goods, D5 Homespuns, etc., newest weaves SOI Fall Silks, Taffetas, D u chesse, P e a u D u Soie, Bengalines, Satins, etc New Outing Flannels, from 5 cents per }mrd u p . C h o ice S t y l e s . . BLANKETS AND COMFORTABLES, Lowest Prices and Largest Assortment. Knit Underwear, fresh from the mills, more than 200 doz. for men, women and children The largest assortment o f desirable goods at the lowest prices can always be found at the store of T _ B - T =1 A T - F ? . T ^ JOB PRINTING AT THE JOUENAL OFFICE RYAN’S FURNITURE STQRE! has been enlarged and is now well filled with goods Post yourself on pric es, then come and see our elegant display. We carry tlie Largest ST0CL:::.:PR1CES Bed A n d I S p r ings M a ttresses A SPECIALTY. E . J . R Y M N , 27 STATE ST We are agents for the ‘N e w Idea” P a ttern s »3t-lM)IES> SHIRT WAIST. Sizes 32, 34,86,38,40.42. Cutting and fitting is easy with “New Idea Patterns.” Any Pattern and Any Size, only lo Cents, Subscribe for “ New Ideas for Womans Wear,” a Magazine issued monthly. Price 5c per copy, 25c per year. HAND MADE IE THE $3.50 KIND, r I $2.00. Tan SUoas and Oxfords, at cut prices to close out. Y08BURGH & CORY. TINY TOKENS. H e murmur of a waterfall ' The nis^c^vhen a“Sbin lights '’l- ''‘'; The Iapp?a“\o?aTo‘l&ana stream- V f On (lipping boughs, p I T h e s o u ^ o f g ^ a h o r d , The echo of a wooded hill, ' -j The quiver through the meadow grass At evening fail. Too subti(itio are these harmonies For pen and rule; j ' lusic is not understood 'T By .any school, But when the brain is overwrought Beyond all human skill and power To make it well. The memory of a kindly word For long gone by, Tlie fragrance of a fading flower Sent lovingly, The gleaming of a sudden smile Or sudden tenr^ | TIic warmest pressure of the hands, The hush\L^“meaL‘\“Sinnot Bpeat. But 1 liave hoard,” The note that only bears a verse From God’s own word; n Such tiny things we hardly count ’ ' As ministry, I Tlic givers deeming they have shown Scant sympathy. But, wlicn the heart is overwrought. Oh, who can tell The power of such tiny things —Scranton Truth othard, rson to €lIOCrt '0 CDi i l o j s s t t o * P 0 -- 0 S', The Clock Stopped When tho ^ III King Camo Off Her Kinger, il} bat Afterward Keeled Off ^ . the Hours In a Hurry. m The followiDg incidents are set forth in an old chronicle of “Village Life In Hungary:’’ It is related how one day the beauti ful Elizabeth Grunblatt returned, with- ont warning, to Janos Gothard, her be trothed, his ring. Now it can readily be imagined how like lightning the news of this event spread around the town of Rozsno and what a dust it raised. And why not? Was Janos Gotl Jr., I ask you. in any way a perse he trifled witli? The son of Mayor Gothard, whoso hears and forbears had always formed a powerful dynasty in their native village 1 Nor was a girl like Elizabeth Grun blatt to be picked up on every rubbish lieap. She, too, came of a fine old stock, whose offshoots had frequently graced tlie judicial bench; nay, were old Jo seph Grunblatt still alive—but that is neither here nor there. Even if yonng Janos Gothard wore a personage with whom it was best to take liberties, surely a betrothal ring is not a fit object for such .a pastime. Hence great was tho excitement. The people assembled in eager groups in the squares and streets and discussed the probable outcome of the affair; general opinion leaning to the belief that the Gothard family would not ac cept tho rebuff in silence. Then broke in upon their disturbed minds this second wonderful event, which also spread like wildfire; the tower clock had stopped that morning at precisely tho hour and the minute at which Elizabeth Grunblatt had drawn the ring from her finger I It was exact ly as though Providence had directly interposed to arrest the hands and in tended to hold them captive until the fnll truth of the matter should come Now this tower clock had always been as great a source of pride to the Kozsnoites as the fair fame of their women, and here, at one blow of fate, was all over with both I They had good reason, too, for their pride, particular ly in the clock, for it was truly a mar vel of its kind, so much so that the fa mous Albertus Turibins had journeyed way from Switzerland the preceding year expressly to study its mechanism. Tho wardens had not been at all in clined to permit this profanation, but old Senator Komives gave utterance to this remark: “Let us not close our ears to the man’s request, since we can be perfect ly assured that the wonders of onr clock will find no room in his headl” And such was really the case. A whole week long he rummaged and poked and pounded about among its mighty wheels and hammers, its in numerable little rods and triggers, with the result that Saturday evening, when ho had done, he knew precisely as much as be did Monday morning when ho be- There was but one man alive who understood the mechanism of the Kozsno clock, and that was Martin Szontagh, its maker, and he was dumb. But he could never, in any case, have been induced to reveal its secrets, since it was positively the only one of its kind in existence. In the records of that day it is repeatedly set forth that in all cases of dispute, where the knowledge of time was a necessity, the law decreed that that of the Bozsno clock should be accepted as tho standard. The remarkable feature of this clock was the separating, at noon and at midnight, of its face into two parts, al lowing a cock to come forth, amid an insane din of hammers, wheels and springs, simulating the while a cry, like the crowing of a cock, which rang out over the silent roofs and into the busy movement of tbo streets this' Lutherans, look to yourselves 1” ow, all at once, tho mighty thing was stilled. It was exactly as though it were making the mute declaration: “ I move not again by the breadth of a hair. Mornings can dawn and even ings fall for all me; I remain ns I am so sure as God sees me. I have also shut the cock np away from you forever Now is it ) sally worth while. I ask yon, fo endure all this on account of a Too thehe Rozsnoitesozsnoites itt woman? T t R i was an indubitable fact that the stopping of tho clock had directly to do with the f a capriciouis lot have stoppi 1 sent back the overtures loo itiou, the ohsti directly to d ims of a capriciou girl, else why could it not have stopped yesterday, or Elizabeth sent back the ring tomorrow ? To all overtures looking toward a reconciliation, the obstinate girl’s only “I would rather marry the devil than Janos Gothard I” “Very well,” flared up the affronted one, “I can’t hand yon over to the devil, hut I ’ll do worse 1” and he ried the matter into court. The learned Paul Szakmary was chosen as Gothard's counsel, Stephen Miakalczi that of Elizabeth. From now on these two honorable gentlemen shunted all the opprobrium of the af- Iders. For every pos- i then, when their mutual wrath has reached the re quired pitch, they opened out upon each other with the nsual charges and coun- ercharges. Seven ecclesiastical gentlemen of thi 'icinity were selected as jury. The) ■ ' :tly ” down from around their . m bottles of medicine. ?ale and agitated appeared the ex- iancee before the august body, proud ind defiant Elizabeth Grunblatt. Heavens, how beautiful she wasl ler snow white gown clung tightly to ler perfect form—it had been destined to be her bridal p w n perhaps—and three roses glowed in her chestnut hair, all three blood red, the color of love and inextingnishable hate 1 And what the rosea failed to express was given utterance to by those two stars, her ‘No, I ■erl” will never relent—never. bath to one side and personall, strated with her, but to all a shook her lovely head, “Nol” onion- rued the foreman, George F: ‘Thou wilt be boiled in a 1ettle the next world I” threatened tagh, the scribe who, k in late Paul Szon- ), with his mind’s eye, could already see the seething cal dron into which the radianit church del i young to be plunged. Verily, the ’erfascinatierfascinating deputes ov tasks to her servant, the devil! But through all the maiden remained steadfast, giving the honorable counsel thereby oppor tunity for much vigorous debate. At last the parties to the suit were con ducted from the room and the jury left to its deliberations. “ I propose to the reverend body,” opened the foreman, George Fabriezy, “ that we declare the maiden guilty and sentence her ns follows: For the period of seven years she shall not marry, neither shall she during that time indulge in any form of worldly diversion whatever.” “ Let us put it to the vote,” said an ther. “ ‘Yea’ a n d ‘n a y ‘nay’ signi- es acquittal.” Paul Szontagh called off the names nd inscribed after each the response. “Peter Salitins?” “ Charles Vitoris?” At this point Miskolczi hurriedly scribbkd a few words on a sm'ap of p: words per which he passed tagh. Tho scribe. to Paul Szon- liowGver, took no no- uninterrnptedly down “Paul Bistriezky?” “ Constantin Eevenesan?” So far two “ yeas” and three “ nays.” There were now only lacking the voices of Szontagh and the foreman. Paul Miskolczi strove, by every means in his power, to get Szontagh to read the writing on the bit of paper which he was now crumpling carelessly in his hand; but, all unheeding, he uttered, like the foreman, a “yea” in his turn. Thus was pronounced that hard decree which has been brought down by chron iclers to this very day. Now, at last, Paul Szontagh opened le paper and read what was written upon i t ; word for word it ran thus: “Elizabeth Grunblatt sent J: Gothard back his ring bi your reverence she loves 1” The world seemed to whii girl in upper Hungary with him! How different her conduct appeared to him now I How had he ever brought himself to utter that zontagh, be eizod the pen with a hand ihat trembled, and it was only by the Wrongest effort of will that he was en abled to write at the foreman’s dicta- “ The parties may re-enter I” an nounced George Fabriezy. When in the room, Elizabeth and Janos remained standing by the door with averted faces. In a choking voice the young srgyman read to them the decree bich ran as follows: “ That the sacredness of the holy in- stitntiou of matrimony be preserved, and to ward from us tlie wrath to ease, shall, for the period of seve year? remain unmarried; she shall also, in that time, strictly abjure each and every form of worldly amusement.” Most cruelly was this conceived. Elizabeth was just three-and-twenty, add to -that seven years during which 3he was not to lay the virgin’s wreath from her beautiful dark head, and we obtain as a result 30, and—a full fledged old maid I The reverend gentle men had reckoned out with extreme nicety the exact way to make of the radiant blossom a sapless stalk. Jano; Gothard announced himself as satisfied, and Elizabeth left the room, wi cast eyes, without a word. The very next day Paul £ moat e versal They even finally reached, with their petition, the very steps of the throne itself, but all in vain. The affair re mained precisely where it was. They had at last relinquished hope when one day it came to that, on meeting old Martin Szoni in the street, Janos Gothard, Sr., only did not return his greeting, pointedly turned away his head. Now, old Szontagh had the reputation of be ing a man who held himself in very high esteem. He was the maker of the famous clock, had been decorated by royal hands for the same, and this averting of a Gothard head he took ex tremely ill. Upon arriving home he wrote upon his tablets and handed them to his “Have-vou i Gothards?” The yonng man then related to him' the whole story. How beautifnl Eli; beth Grnnblatt had been tried and cc demned,mned, andnd bowow hee himselimself consumed with love for her. - “ Why haven’t you said de a h h h was now dth love for her. ven’t you said a word to t this?” wrote back the father. His son smiled sadly. What can a dumb rnan accomplish where agile tongues have failed? But the old man only shook his gray bead again and again and began hammering and snipping away angrily with his tools, for he had recently set to work with great zeal at repairing the disturbed mechanism of would be superb, would it not, on tl day of our Lord’s resurrection, to s( shrill as ever, his admonishing cry ? The old man spent the last days be fore Easter shut up in the tower itself. Finally all was in readiness. Exactly at noon on Easter Sunday, in the midst of the hurrahs of a multitude gathered from miles around, the works of the far famed Rozsno clock set in motion. The jubilation was great, but, alas, of short duration 1 The clock went, but at what a consternating rate of speed! The hour hand galloped aronnd tho face 12 honrs in one, the minute hand flew from figure to figure in tho dizziest leaps and springs, while, instead of ap pearing once every half day, as had been his custom, the cock struck open his dcors every 00 minutes and trr\”- lents known to these im, the rattle and a 3 ors every poted forth in a more terrific voice than “ Lutherans, look to yourselves!” , “Woe, woe is upon usl” cried the people, beside themselves with fear. Tho three oldest senators betook them- selves, panting, to Martin Szontagh. “ Disaster, master; disasterl” they cried. “ Onr clock is mad I” A cunning smile played over Mar tin’s gray old face. He seized his tab- “ The clock is but doing its duty, gentlemen. You all admit that the time it sets must, in every case, be accepted by Rozsnoites as the standard?” “ Yes, yes; that is true,” affirmed the senators. The old man pursued; “ Y'on have condemned the girl my son would tako to wife to a seven years’ penance”— “H-m-m!” growled Emerich Ko mives, a light breaking in upon him. “I have, therefore, so adjusted the clock that it shall teil off those seven years in seven months I” “But—but you will set it right?” “ When my purpose is achieved.” The deputation strolled, crestfallen. In an hour, I should say, 12, the ason for the clock’s nnaccountable performance had spread tbrougliout the Tho chief magistrate took counsel with his aids. “ The clock will bring disgrace upon ‘In just so muc pride w ill it n “Let us give in i” Again the senators betook themselves to Martin. “Elizabeth Grnnblatt’s time of pen ance shall be measured according to the clock’s present rate of speed; but, in God’s name, let it in future run as beseems it and nsl” Thus it was that at the very next grape pressing Elizabeth Grunblatt be came Mrs. Paul Szontagh.—Translated From the Hungarian For Short Stories. CiticaRo's . An Englishinaii of nink ;iiui Vlsitflil Chicago rccenlly and \\illi enmo Ills private secrct:iry, a yoniig. fresh faced, jolly fellow just out of O.xford university. 'llio secretary brought letter.s of introduction to :i Chicago man from a well known I.on don actor and ;i. e(iually prominent man of letter.s. Tin' Eiiglisliu):in c.anie direct to Cide;igo. iiaiking no stop in he secretary ealliKl upon that the Britt iffaloes under the shade of tho Audi- inviting three city friends t private sccretiiry a t iuueheon a ed restaurant. It was after the cigars were lighted that the conversation turned upon things . American. The Cliicagoans It the Britons were credited eving that they buffaloes under the shade torium and shoot grizzlies along Shokie, but tliey were not quite pre pared for what was to conic. The lit tle lunelieou party had been waited upon by a coal black negro wltb crisp hair curled tight to his head. Tlie soc- • throughout the rei itendant witii Interc!st. had left the turned to his host and “Mr. Nelson, it seems to mo tiiat I read somewhere that the Anierie.au dians liad straight hair. ho attei R-aitor finally h English guest t p a s t had eyed ? When the t t room, to his host astrakhan.”—Chicagoago waited on us -Chic Trihui favor of her parents and then pursues her, catching her in his arms. She lireaks loose and runs and does_ not yield until he has caught her several times. Final ly he leads her in triumph to her liome. Hero her father drags the : [ere her father drags the youtli up a idder to her floor of their lint. The mother drags up the maiden. They then made to kneel, and the fa- ' pours over them a cocoanut .shell- or water. He then bumps Ih Is together, and the ceremony ompleted. They spend their lioney- loon In the depths of the mountains and for five days and nights : to sight, after which they con veryday life. lore is another marriage which is worth describing. Instead of the youth and maiden being dr up the hut ladder they are ms climb two saplings that grow each other. Then an older of tho grasps the saplings and draws together until the heads of the young couple toueh, with a kiss or a bump, according to the force used. This makes them man and wife.—Forum. Takiiiff Umbrage. A few idlers (no very unusual thing) together, ai 1 (no very were lounging in front of the sliop o tho bailie of tlio burgh, among wlion the laird espied tho village Aescukapius addressed him: “How’s a’ wi’ ye the day, doctor? Ony political nows\^ “Notiiinj ig very particular,” rcpllec the doctor; “only it is said that tin der from his shoi ed him that Dutch have taken umbrage a t”— Here the doctor got a touch on his sUoul- 10 only instruments knowi tribes were the drum, kind of flageolet. The drum and rattle were used in ac companying the voice, to accentuate the rhythm and to assist in interpret ing the emotive impulse of the 'song. Shaking the rattle and heating the drum with clear, sharp strokes served not only to mark the time, hut to se cure the co-ordination and unity of movement of the numerous voices in the choral or to enforce precision of motion in the dance. The tremolo of the drum or rattle was .to express the awe and trepidation felt when approach ing the supernatural or when invoking the aid of the occult power. The flageolet was a rather rude in strument, having a range limited to eight or ten notes in the treble clef. Owing to the lack of mechanical’ ac curacy in its manufacture, this range varied with every instrument, as did also the quality and value of the tone tions. There seems to have been ' one requirement of the maker— lelv, that when the flageolet was blown -with all the six holes stopped there should be strong vibrations in the shop hoy, who acquaint- a valuable patient le broke off ical laird, exclaimed the laird. “Mercy upon us! Hae they ta’en Umbrage? Bailie, ken ye if it’s a wa’ed town or no?” “A wa’ed town!” said the b.ailie; “nae sic thing. It’s a sugar island article’s up already, but ye shall hae a stane price.”—Coi i’s up already, bu t ye shall hae ,e weight hame wi’ ye a t the auld ’—Cornhlll. Old, 01a story. •eading a letter son in college)- nuther! Her \Worse Half—Wut’s the trouble, Samanthy? ,ady (reading college)—Lor’ sakes alive! Jo- Eiar, If John haln’t gone an done it! An he wam’t no hand fer the gals, What It aienns to Walk, e man who is content with a modest average of six miles’ walking a day scarcely realizes that every 12 'ears he walks a distance sufficient to ;irdle the earth at the equator. Startling as this simple calculation is, he may be excused a feeling of in credulity when ho learns that in walk ing this distance he has expended suffi- 38 first class cient energy to raise onr battleships a foot high. calculated that in walking an mile a man uses sufficient en- raise 17H tons to the height of a foot, or conversely a ton (of coals, say), to three times his own height. The i»ere thonglit of such a feat is sufficient to deter a man from taking tho most modest constitutional. Thus every year the man who walks s miles a day does sufficient work to ise a ton weight to a height equal ngbly to times that of Mont Blanc, or to raise all the gold current throughout the world a foot higlier than his own head. A tramp of 13 miles a day involves as much exertion as the lay’s work of an ordinary laborer. Said a physician: “ I wonder that ate how ?rvons . . strength they consume in worrying over the little things of life. Look at the mother and housewife as she goes about her tasks and observe how often she u t ters an impatient exclamation, how of ten she sighs over her servant’s short comings, how often she -starts nerv( ly at a noise from one of the cbildi a physic: fail to appreciate force as well 1 each time ■ herself, luer that she loses control l nerves, her ten she loses just a.Httle nervous £orc( a little physical well being, and 1 a fraction of an inch farther on in t' path that leads to premature old a; and to invalidism.” The Dean’s Restriction. vines are a Scriptn The dean of tho Chapel royal was one day seated in the Synod hall, at Dublin, when a scent bottle, falling from the strangers’ gallery, happened to alight upon his somewhat bald cranium. Ris- ;mission always glad to see straugers at onr de bates, and I feel specially honored by the presence of women. But’’—here he held up the scent bottle—“ let not their precious balms break my head.” Divorce by' Cu-ndlea. When a Bnrme.se husband and wife decide to separate, the woman goes out and buj’s two little candles of equal length, winch are made especially for this use. She brings them home. She and her hfisband sit down on tho floor, placing the candles between them, and light them simultaneously. One candle stands for her, the other for him. Tlie one whoso candle goes out and goes out of the house £01 nothing but what he or she on. The one whose candle hi tho longer time, even by a secondj takes everything. So tho divorce and division of the property, if one can call that a division, are sett! An Econoinicnl Cook. A Chinaman will bake a dinner for a dozen with a mere handful of fuel. The boiler he uses is large and cone shaped, being sometimes two feet in diameter and one foot deep. It covers the fire with merely a small portion of the low er part of tho case, but the heat and flames infold the rest, ^ a t e r and rii are put at the bottom with a fran over them, and on this are placed dishes of fish, fowl and vegetables to boil. The whole is covered with a wooden cover, in the center of which is a hole about four inches in diameter, and in this an other dish is often placed, the contents of which are cooked by the steam s t r i k i n g C o n traaiutionii. A great contrast will often be found to exist between authors and their works, melancholy writers being most jocular in society usually and 1 morists in theory the’ most lugubri: mortals in practice. “The Comforts of Human Life,” by R. Heron, was written in prison under the most distressing circumstances. “ The Miseries of Human Life,” by Beresford, was, on the contrary, com posed in a drawing room where the au thor was surrounded by the best of ev erything, and Burton, the author of the “Anatomy of Melancholy,” r”-\ tremely facetious in conversati: been ins e Appl( J’Bryanno wedding ; t to know, go past the Appleton )und o! daybreak till late at night. When a man-iage is given up for good, the sew ing machine is idle, except when patcl es must be put on tlie old man’s ui derclothes.—^Atchison Globe. The Druggist’s Work. There is a druggist In one of the sub urban districts who advertises “The doctor prescribes; we execute.” Suchffi advertisingdvertising cannot fail a ca peal to those who desire to be - ed.—Boston Journal. He Needed No Help. “Help, help!” cried the man who was being relieved of his valuables. self, my friend,” said the footpad. “I can take car without any assistance.” It Carries tke Current. “If I were you, -I wouldn’t lean against that post You might get Tlie speaker was a policeman, and le person to whom his words dressed under an iron awning with one hand resting on an Iron post which helped Tile youi ;dd his hand :iway quickly. support an jerke a his wc ng fellow who stood ig with one lost which h ling. Tile 3 :iway quick! “What’s the matter -witli tlie post?” he asked. “It looks all right.” “Yes, it does,” responded the police- aan, “and it may ho all right. But it’s iron, ami its surface is wet from tlie rain tliat is falling. There are a whole lot of telephone and telegraph wires in the vicinity. One of them may be mix ed up with an electric light wire some where and may also be rubbing up against some part of tliis a^v^ning. TJn- (Ici'Stand? If it should be, the com bination would be one tliat, with the ter tliat is running down the post a conductor, would be apt to put you out of existence. I've seen one man killed in just that way, and I real ly don’t want to sec another. That’s all. Goodby.” Then the policeman walked off down tlie street, leaving the young fellow staring first at the post and then at tho wires overhead. But as long as the sauuterer remained under the awn ing ho kept liis liands away from the wet iron.—Philadelphia luciuirer. Not -Wantiiigr a Job. When the late W. E. Gladstone was chancellor of tlio oxcliequer, one day the sliipping department of 'eminent olliee getting some in- aml figures for the coming Wliile thus engaged a Sunder- lownor called to see klr. Liud- the gov( formatii budget. ’ land sliipi sey, the then member for Sunderland. AVhile waiting for Mr. Lindsey to eye on watching hii come in the shipowner got Ids e Mr. Gladstone and \ closely. After doing so a little wldlo he thus addressed h “Thou seemst a good writer and clev- 3t a good t figures. I’ll give thee £100 a year, and that’s an offer thou’lt not get very day!’ Mr. Glad;dstone y entered. Then tlianiced him and said he would see Mr. Lindsey. Just then Mr. Lindsey c Mr. Gladstone told Mr. Lindsey of the offer his friend had made him. Jlr. Lindsey said it was a very good he did not know if Mr. Glad- u-ed.red. Anywaynyway ho had offer, but b stone could be spa A b better introduce them. Turniug to liis friend, the sliipowner, lie said: “Allow mo to introduce you to W. E. Glad stone, cliancellor of tho excliequer—Mr. So-and-so, Sunderland.” 'The amaze- meut of the sliipowner cannot be de scribed. Tho Grand Old Man laughed immoderately.—Loudon Answers. freshly appointed colonel, with a n ly enlisted regiment, joined forces in the far south. October morning word ’ that a small detaclii :t day tl I miles distant :tion. Tho tliird I and .a veteran 'yro(*i(} i 1, wlio liad One briglit small detacliinout of General Wheeler’s cavalrymen was on the oth er side of the hill, and a force started out In pursuit. The next day the Con federates were reported 1 in the opposite direction. Tho tliird day the now col brigadier started ride. A mile froii to the fugitive Confederate been circling the camp for a week. It was a narrow escape, but they got away unharmed. After it was over the general said to the colonel, “Well, wlint do you tliinlt of war now?” everywhere. What do you think of the pro.spect?” “Well,” answered the colonel refloet- Ively, “I wonder wlipther there isn’t w.ay this infernal thing c£ 'omised!”—San Francisco in the London Jainie of dogn whieh, ■ curate, is not wii tliat a chimney sweep took in-oceedings against an Edinburgli man for debt, and in tho course of his evidence the mentioned tliat his name was ie Gregory, LL. D.” The following colloquy ensued between the witness and tlio sheriff: “Wliat, doctor of laws or letters? And wlioro on earth did you get that dis tinction?” “It was a follow fr:i’ an American university, an I sweopit his chimney tlireo times. ‘I cauna i)ay ye cash, Jamie Gregory,’ li<> says, ‘but I’ll make ye an LL. D., and we’ll ca’ it quets.’ An ho did.” Anotitcr Mystery. “The study of tlie occult sciences lueh,” remarked us, to di dark deptli into tlie r 3 it were. boarder. regions of t fathom the unfatiiomable, n “May I help you to some of tire liash, professor?” interrupted the landlady. And the good woman never knew why tho other boarders smiled audi bly.—Chicago News. An Expensive Knife. An old man went into a cigar store where poeketknives are on sale. He had a fancy for oue of the knives, bat thought the price. 75 cents, too high. After a parley with the proprietor he parley with the propriet id to wager 75 cents against the knife and play a game of poker. ) money and then that much 5 continued to lose until he lost $121, all the money he had, the prop) the knife e lost the money and ingly e dealer exchange it for a $1 article. The Uy made the exchange, and -ent his way rejoicing. He had no money to trouble him, rejoicing. H lie him, b u t li :nife, and, a f te r all, a knife is ,a ling to have.—A rizona Kepnb- Alice Is Defiant. lady shouted to the i the English of 1461: “ Maister Twyer, ye be a justice of the pees and I require you to kepe the peas for I well not leve the possession of this castell to dye therefore, and if ye begyn to breke the peas or make any warre to gete the place of me 1 shall defende me, for lever I had in such o dye than to he alayne when m 1461-1467. All mechanical powers, the screw, lever, pulley. Inclined plane, wedge, wheel and axle, were known to the ancients and used In everyday life.